when I've got a brand-new hairdo

Alas, this is an addendum to and not a retraction of a two-year-old lament for women's cycling apparel. These are three new submissions to the Women's-Specific-Design Marketing Hall of Fame.

1. From RealCyclist, via Amazon:

The ladies in your cycling group are so dang competitive that they're always jostling to not only see who finishes the ride the fastest and who can get their heart rate up the highest, but also who can sport the cutest outfit. Which is why you can't wait to show up wearing the Louis Garneau Women's Verano Jersey and watch them turn chartreuse with envy at your stylish gear.

I am cutting this one off, but you should know that the complete version also manages to incorporate mention of a nail file. Whether this item is chartreuse to match the complexion of those jealous bitches is not specified. Also, where are these group rides where we compete for highest heart rate? I think I'm in really good shape for that right now!

2. From Voler, particularly disappointing because my clearance-chamois-clad ass advertises their website probably every other time I get on a bike.

Okay, just because it’s pink doesn’t mean it doesn’t have attitude. Getting the job done in a structured continuous manner with style and grace, gently and sweetly is a feat for the strong (and fair). Look great; the day is yours for the taking. 

There's a lot going on here, all of it utterly baffling.

3. From Giordana—an Italian company, to be fair—a special entry for literal embrace of side-boob. Bib-boob?

Whatever, people. The "A" in A-cup is for aero. Yeah, wind-tunnel-test those suckers.