Thursday, June 7, 2012

manquer

How Nina Caprez Broke My Hip
A tale of hyperbole, blame-shifting, and SEO

Early this week I had a really good ride. It hurt, but it hurt the way it's supposed to: a lung-busting, heart-pounding, full-body hurt, the one I want back. Of course, I assumed that if nothing else my lopsided body would make me pay for the privilege the day after; when even that didn't happen I forgot everything I've learned about chronic injury and allowed myself, alas, to get optimistic.

Enter Nina Caprez, also apparently pretty pleased with herself:


Nina Caprez is a professional Swiss rock climber who, like anyone of that description, has low-to-middling name recognition and looks pretty damn good with her shirt off. Those two facts in combination explain why my friends and I might yesterday evening have conducted a Google Image Search for "female Swiss rock climber" and why the results might have yielded, in addition to the desired aesthetic experience, this:

Swiss ball + the mountain climber exercise  + Women's Health magazines's
celebrated work, "How to Get a Bikini Body That Rocks" ... you see how this happens.

That image depicts an exercise once recommended to me for "when I get stronger." O-ho! I thought when the search result jogged my memory, Sounds like today! Wrong, of course. It took maybe thirty seconds of hubris and curiosity and Poor Form to break a hard-won, four-month stretch without nerve pain. And so, here I am, back in bed, sulking and icing and ... complaining on the Internet, I guess.

If you don't know what you've got until it's gone, the reverse is also true: You don't know what's gone until it's back. The glacial pace of my own progress had allowed me to forget, very gradually, how much worse this has been in the past—and is right this second, thanks to my own carelessness and that goddamn Swiss chick. For how long, though? Well, wait and see.

Wait and see and DO NOT GOOGLE ANYTHING.

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