Completed: 21 of 24


1.Boulder — v3's? Man, that is a small number.
I've always avoided this portion of the gym due to a healthy fear of a) falling and b) hipsters. Still valid concerns, but bouldering's nonetheless helping me climb "more dynamically" (read: less lazily) and giving me something to do when I can't wrangle a belay partner.

2. Lead climb — Lead climb in the vicinity of how "well" I can toprope. Scare/injure Alean less.
Passing the test took me three tries—not unusual, to be fair—all of which were completed while trembling in a cold sweat. My start-line jitters are evidently multisport, though how much of my anxiety was related to falling and how much to the drama of being judged on a clipboard (a clipboard, man!) remains to be seen.

3. Climb outside — Actually help with setup.
How can I possibly know what to do without color-coded jugs?


4. Rent a bigass bike and do a downhill run Relocate to a resort town and do this all summer. Seriously.
We can quibble over whether it counts if the experience didn't involve armor or diamonds, but there's a cultural shift that occurs in a lift line; I got that much. And it was rad. "Bigass" is relative—and this is a far cry from my hardtail.

5. Ride the track (Resolved, finally, in 2016)
Similarly, I have no reason to think I would enjoy riding in circles, on a hard surface, near other people2, without brakes. But I will try it once.

6. Go on a (mini) bike tour (Had to cripple myself to do this one, but yes: 2015)
This item is giving me problems because I've realized I don't actually have any interest in doing it. Not because it sounds scary, but because it sounds boring. Hmm.

7. Ride rollers
Even for someone who crashes off stationary trainers (...), this is not actually that hard. I won't stray far from a wall, and I'm not signing up for the Indoor Challenge any time soon, but sure, done.

8. Race A's cyclocross — Finish anything other than DFL. This could realistically take 5-10 years. (<-- I wrote that even before I broke myself. Yikes.)


9. Snowshoe
Generally requires no skill. Can occasionally be enlivened by pretending to be a French fur-trapper3 or pointing yourself straight up the most vertical piece of terrain you can see.

10. Alpine ski — Baby blues?
As everyone said would be the case, day one on the bunny slopes was totally manageable. Everything else will be tough—and expensive! The hours I'd need to put in to be competent enough to try backcountry (my actual pie in the sky; I have no aspirations or attraction to resorts) would bankrupt me. Alas, had I only shown interest when my parents were still prepared to bankroll a week of ski school ...

11. Cross-country ski — Gnar!
Ehhhhh. On the groomed trails I got incredibly bored and incredibly tired. Off of them I had a pretty good time but fell down a lot.


12. Learn to swim-swim — Get in the "medium" lane without looking sheepish. Learn flip turns.
It's not that I couldn't swim before I sucked it up and took lessons; it's just that the casual observer couldn't have distinguished between me and a really awkward dog.

13. Go sailing — Capsize (and then fix it)
Too technical for me to ever really get into, I think, but as a consequence the associated lingo is really fun.

14. Kayak — Roll?!
Quasi-accomplished via baby sea kayak in the super-mellow Oakland estuary, where I could confine my anxiety to the possibility of being mowed down by channel traffic. But what truly terrifies me is this madness.

15. Windsurf — Faster, faster!
This was fun—and so different from anything else I've tried, particularly in that you can crash over and over without ever bleeding (awesome!). I'm handicapped by an extremely poor understanding of basic physics, but totally enchanted by the instructor's giddy descriptions of water starts and planing and, and, and ... .

Uh ... mortal combat?

16. Shoot a gun — Shoot bigger guns. Be less clumsy with a glock.
The most sobering moment of this experience was when the revolver jammed and I confronted the absolutely absurd and immediate impulse to flip the thing around, peer down the barrel, and try the trigger again. That, boys and girls, is how accidents happen.

17. Shoot a bow — Kill more balloons. From farther away. OFF A MOVING HORSE.
This is a Redwall item—the quiver-toting squirrels were always my favorites. After the Long Patrol, wot.

18. Box — Box something that might actually box back.
Dubious, since I never held off my middle-school P.E. demons long enough to take an actual class—but I do have a heavy bag hanging awkwardly in my bedroom doorway4; that's got to count for something. What Would Teddy Do?


19. Start a fire matchless? In under half an hour, yeesh.
I wrote: "This is silly, but I've really never done this. Whenever everyone wants a fire, everyone wants a fire quickly. Ricardo rears his head and it just never falls to me." Yup, probably still shouldn't.

20. Hike Half Dome — Snake Dike?
Wrote this one off after the cables came down for the year—turns out they were down but not out. Glorious.

21. Skateboard — Point A to Point B, looking less like a spastic marionette. And longboard, too.
Sadly, lyrical mastery of "Heaven is a Half Pipe" has no effect on my balance.

22. Ride a motorcycle — On ... a road?
This was by far the hardest thing I've tried. Now I have this little card and no idea what to do with it.

23. [--------------------]
I'm not telling what this one is. The relevant information is that it was adequately new and scary to count and didn't involve anything illegal, mom.

24. [Open for mid-year epiphanies]

and the backs of my eyes / hum with things I've never done
1. "This year" was 2011 (the year I was 24, get it?). I got to 18, which, considering unforeseen limitations imposed by weather, injury, and my bank balance, is not so bad. Anyway, I'm chipping away at the remainder as opportunities arise.
2. You're welcome.
3. This is one of my favorite paintings ever. Check out that guy's hat!
4. Thanks, KP.